I ran into a guy that I've known for a while with 2 kids. I have 4. I've never dated a single dad before, but I gave him my number. My thought is that he'll understand where I'm coming from a lot better than a guy without kids...
Do any of you have experience in this area?
Do any of you have experience in this area?
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Colorado
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Re: SInglemoms dating single dads...
Sat, May 17, 2008 - 5:49 PMand thats the way they became the brady bunch. the brady bunch............... -
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Re: SInglemoms dating single dads...
Sun, May 18, 2008 - 3:55 AM
!!!! ...it's alive!!!!!
(nice to see you chris)
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Re: Single moms dating single dads...
Sat, May 17, 2008 - 9:37 PMI dated a single dad for a year and mostly it was great. He was unusually patient, didn't respond inappropriately when my kids did something offensive or peculiar, and I loved the way he was so involved with his daughter so entirely, I mean he really took care of her during their time together; cooking, playing with the barbie car, doing her hair in the morning; how cute is that? He was a really good guy.
We didn't get to the part where you have to blend households, I hear that can really be difficult. But it is possible.... Hoping for the best for you for sure, kk! -
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Re: Single moms dating single dads...
Sun, May 18, 2008 - 1:14 AMAlthough not the single dad Flicka dated, I have dated single moms before and it is DEFINITELY my preference from the great synergism and understanding we had. No single without kids can understand the priorities we face, and sometimes take it personally that they feel they are not the most important at times. But the single mom and dad seem to understand that it is not like you are not the most important but a single parent has a large responsibility to make sure their kid(s) are okay. So I'd HIGHLY recommend doing the single dad, unless you are looking for someone that'll place you first all the time even when you're focusing on your children.
Also, there is definitely a sex life advantage, where the single parent is more aware of stealing those moments.
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Re: SInglemoms dating single dads...
Sun, May 18, 2008 - 4:04 AM
that make sense to me
....i ponder the idea of dating from time to time (fells too soon to actually follow through, though ...still too busy just being a single papa, ya know). In theory, tnough, it's really hard to imagine a non-mama being able to really comprehend what my life is about. I don't mean to sell short to the very open minded and hearted folks whom ha vet yet to procreate, but there is indeed something to be said for having a solid foundation of mutual understanding on which to build a healthy relationship. Parenting can only be understood by having actually made that journey ...books and dvd's pale compared to real experience, eh?
:-)
take it slow and be real ....good luck. -
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Re: SInglemoms dating single dads...
Sun, May 18, 2008 - 7:07 AMWhats "Dating" ? -
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Re: SInglemoms dating single dads...
Sun, May 18, 2008 - 9:59 AMhehe Chris! That's what I was thinking.
Only, this dad is a little inactive for my tastes. I called him today and I was dissappointed in the amount of enthusiasm on his part.... I guess we'll see... -
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Re: SInglemoms dating single dads...
Sun, May 18, 2008 - 10:49 AMWell, okay, downsides include, single dads (like single moms) are often too overwhelmed by their responsibilities to go after an opportunity, even one as amazing and once in a lifetime as our Kaylie.
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Re: SInglemoms dating single dads...
Sun, May 18, 2008 - 2:59 PMsounds dreamy.
single mom meets single dad ...
single dad meets single mom ...
well, hello there.
how you doin'?
happy happy happy thoughts, Kaylie Kaboom
I briefly tried the dating thing and he had no kids
he was nice and all, but no comprehension on how valuable my 'free time' is
when i get it, i got it, and i want to go play!
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Re: SInglemoms dating single dads...
Sun, May 18, 2008 - 3:18 PMI understand about the lack of free time, when I get some, I want to go play too! -
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Re: SInglemoms dating single dads...
Mon, May 19, 2008 - 7:51 AMI want to play too! Whats all this talk about dating and fun? -
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Re: SInglemoms dating single dads...
Mon, May 19, 2008 - 7:57 AMWell, I guess there are probably dads out there with interest... but they live in another state!
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Re: SInglemoms dating single dads...
Mon, May 19, 2008 - 11:13 AMA common issue with single parents dating non-parents is the non-parent has a tough time coping with not feeling "most important", at least at times -- when as a parent, we are naturally focused on our kids' well-being and may not even understand this. Sometimes the non-parent may not realize it. My girlfriend one time, in tears, said she wanted me to light up each time I see her like I do when I see my son. I keep that in mind. It makes sense that even though adults, everyone responds positively to feeling wanted or better -- that you care for them so much that the mere sight of them makes you happy.
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Re: SInglemoms dating single dads...
Mon, May 19, 2008 - 2:53 PM
thanks for sharing that perspective, McCheese.
Exuberating the glee does make a person feel wanted and appreciated. In turn, more understanding for the glee-er -
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Re: SInglemoms dating single dads...
Tue, May 20, 2008 - 6:09 PMOh well... I called him on Sunday, he "had to go", and hasn't called me since. His loss... I'm not going to beg, ya know??? -
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Re: SInglemoms dating single dads...
Tue, May 20, 2008 - 6:30 PMGood for you. There's alot of really wonderful awesome and amazing single dads out there. I think the most important thing is to take everything realllllllllly slloooooooowwwwllllllyyyyy, I mean, that's always a really good idea, but especially if you are dealing with two parents, when kids are the priority, time is super valuable, alone time is something few of us have, but desparately need, and the kids, if they are old enough, are watchiing our every move. Rushing things could totally be disastrous. I personally couldn't imagine dating someone without atleast a good comprehension of what kids are about. It's a whole new world. I have met alot of really good guys who either grew up surrounded by family or took a liking to the little sprouts and developed their own personal skills regarding how to deal with the many obstacles they can throw at us. I have noticed....that if someone has a hard time dealing with kids, it's almost a red flag. I will probably get in some kind of trouble for saying that, but I've seen it as a reflection of something inside of them that isn't necessarrily good. I was told by someone wise my kid would be my safety net. If someone wasn't cool, he would be a perfect mirror for their frustrations and anger. and that's not something we want our kids having to be a mirror for. I think if you want to find out what someone's really about, get about 7 kids, stick them all in the back of a minivan, and tell them to make as much noise as they want. Next, stick your test subject in the passenger seat. Take a drive and let er rip, and if he runs away screaming, then he was probably not the one. -
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Re: SInglemoms dating single dads...
Fri, May 23, 2008 - 8:00 PMAmy - I love this! What a great idea.
Very wise post. -
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Re: SInglemoms dating single dads...
Mon, May 26, 2008 - 6:04 PMhaha what would have been wise would have been to do this to my last husband.... I'm sure he would have been a screamer....gotta take your own advice sometimes I guess.....
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Re: SInglemoms dating single dads...
Wed, June 11, 2008 - 10:05 PMI find dating a single mom MUCH easier. Mostly because they are also a parent and we can do things that we find mutually convenient like ...
We can bring the kids when one goes to visit the other ... the kids can all play together assuming they are close in age. When they zonk, we make out on the couch ... or something. A woman showing up for an at-home dinner date with her kids in tow at a single guy's place or vice versa just doesn't work and seems weird. But when you both have kids, one person showing up without them would seem weird (unless they are visiting their other parent or something).
Dating a single woman means I have to find a sitter every single time we get together, mostly. Dating a woman with children means we share a lot more of a common culture and we appreciate not having to drop them at the sitter any time we want to have a dinner and movie at home. I am a sole parent so sending the kids to their mom's just isn't an option for me. Dating other single parents is what has worked best for me over the long term. -
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Re: SInglemoms dating single dads...
Thu, June 12, 2008 - 9:01 AMSo, the one I'm dating wants me to come over all the time when he has the kids, (and it works out that our weeks are off, he's got the kids when I dont' and vice versa) but when I have my kids (this week, anyway), he doesn't seem to want to come over... He said that he tries to get everything done when he doesn't have the kids... Maybe we should try to change our schedules so that we have the kids at the same time... ? -
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Re: SInglemoms dating single dads...
Thu, June 12, 2008 - 9:04 AMsounds like you need to take some time off like he is taking time off.
Its really nice to be able to get the house cleaned up and ready for the kids who are going to mess it up, it makes it much easier to manage them when your house is ready.
But I am sure after he gets it cleaned up, he is taking a mental break.
So suggest that you think it a smart idea what he does, and do the same yourself sometimes. -
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Re: SInglemoms dating single dads...
Thu, June 12, 2008 - 9:08 AMI agree, but if we both take time off the weeks when we don't have the kids, we'd never see each other! lol
Eh, honestly, I'm so busy lately, I probably shouldn't even be dating anyone. And, it's nice to have time with the kids by myself. I suppose I should just chill out? ;-) -
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Re: SInglemoms dating single dads...
Thu, June 12, 2008 - 12:15 PMJust sounds like he gets a step parent to help him out with kids, and when you got your kids you dont get help from him.
Maybe it was as you said, just that one time, but if you notice a pattern, you might need to communicate.
Bottom line, is your not just their to help him watch his kids, your there to build a relationship that is fair and sharing. -
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Re: SInglemoms dating single dads...
Thu, June 12, 2008 - 12:50 PMExactly. So, this coming week, I'm not going to be going over there as often... :-) -
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Re: SInglemoms dating single dads...
Fri, June 13, 2008 - 9:40 AMHe came over last night, and was awesome with my kids... I'm going to wait and see what happens next week and the week after... -
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Re: SInglemoms dating single dads...
Fri, June 13, 2008 - 10:22 AMIts never what we think, our assumptions are never the truth, focus on the best possible reality, wish for it, ask for it, communicate it, and watch it become your possible future.
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"Love is granting another the space to be the way they are and the way they aren't so they can change if they want to and they don't have to."
"My notion about service is that service is actually that kind of relationship in which you have a commitment to the person. Now I don't mean to the person's body or to the person's personality or to the person's stomach or to the person's almost anything. What I mean in fact is that for me what service is about is being committed to the other being, to the other person spiritually, to who the person is. Now the problem with that is that to the degree that you are in fact committed to the other person you are only as valuable as how you can deal with the other person's stuff, their evidence, their manifestation. And that's what service is all about. Service is about knowing who the other person is, and being able to tolerate giving space to their garbage. What most people do is to give space to people's quality and deal with their garbage. Actually, you should do it the other way around. Deal with who they are and give space to their garbage. Keep interacting with them as if they were God. And every time you get garbage from them, give space to the garbage and go back and interact with them as if they were God."
--Werner Erhard
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