I just got the temp orders, despite her documented assualt against me, years of verbal abuse, checking into a mental ward by claiming sucicide to get medication fast for her Bi Polar disorder, and then assualting a psych nurse in patient. She still got primary custody!! She got raped last month, which I feel really bad about while she was drunk off her ass. The problem is she has been drinking on Paxal medication and drinking to get drunk off her ass. She says she only does it when I have the kids on my weekend visits.
She will only allow me to have the minimum visits, every other weekend and one night a week, or at least thats what the courts ordered her to give me and all she will let me have.
Meanwhile, my son and daughter miss their dad, they cry all the time, wanting to see me.
I know that in the end, all they will remember is how often I was around, and now I wont be around that much.
I still can fight custody, spend another $40,000, but I am in Utah, and the judges here favor the women unless she is a cracked out mother on the streets.
Pictures of the once happy family:
www.monkeyview.net/id/2164
Another lost dad and broken family
Tom Gallagher
She will only allow me to have the minimum visits, every other weekend and one night a week, or at least thats what the courts ordered her to give me and all she will let me have.
Meanwhile, my son and daughter miss their dad, they cry all the time, wanting to see me.
I know that in the end, all they will remember is how often I was around, and now I wont be around that much.
I still can fight custody, spend another $40,000, but I am in Utah, and the judges here favor the women unless she is a cracked out mother on the streets.
Pictures of the once happy family:
www.monkeyview.net/id/2164
Another lost dad and broken family
Tom Gallagher
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Re: Utah Favors Women having Custody, I got Temp Orders Yesterday
Fri, August 8, 2008 - 3:30 PMwow Tom, I'm sorry you are going through this!
I am a conscientious objector, so to sopeak, in the gender wars - don;t favor men over women or women over men...but I am baffled in every state I've heard from by the "logic" sown by some of these family law judges...people who should have NO credibility seem to get away with the wackiest. I;ve seen it both ways...both mothers and fathers who seem to be making regular asses of themselves but the judge gives them exactly what they want at the expense of the other parent...
anyway, can;t think of much to say except you are in good company.
have you seen Paul mandelstein's book "Always Dad?" it;s a treasure of how to be a sane and reasonable person and a great dad during and after a divorce...
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Re: Utah Favors Women having Custody, I got Temp Orders Yesterday
Sat, August 9, 2008 - 9:29 AMHang in there Tom.
Keep your focus on the kids.
Remember they look to you to model how to treat others.
*hugs* -
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Re: Utah Favors Women having Custody, I got Temp Orders Yesterday
Sat, August 9, 2008 - 9:51 AMThank you Z and Judith.
I will do my best, it just kills you know, to be seperated from the children you love the most in this world.
When Ashley was born, I never knew I could love anything that much in life, but I saw her come out, and it hit me hard.
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Re: Utah Favors Women having Custody, I got Temp Orders Yesterday
Sat, August 9, 2008 - 10:29 AMI hardly know what to say, you are such a lovely human being and so undeserving of this treatment; you are not the only dad I have seen have to deal with this kind of illogical, heartbreaking situation. You are probably already documenting everything and keeping that paper trail. You will have to be the patient, strategic warrior for a while and have faith that your resolve will outweigh the rest of it in the end.
For what it's worth, I know how hard it is to deal with bipolar manipulativeness and self-absorbtion. Displacing responsibility and leaving other people holding the bag is part of the pattern, it sounds like you are dealing with that on top of everything else. Stay strong, be clear about what you can and can't control. Your kids are strong and resilient and they will grow...
I'm not sure that they will only remember how much you are around. It seems like they would also remember how they feel when they're with you; that was my experience as a kid. You can have a lot of influence over that.
so sorry to hear about your situation.
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Re: Utah Favors Women having Custody, I got Temp Orders Yesterday
Sat, August 9, 2008 - 6:53 PMFlicka:
Thank you so much.
My mistake according to the judge was that I didnt take them away from her. But I loved her, even though she verbally abused me.
I love my kids, and didnt want to hurt them by putting them through the trama...
I continued to pay the medical insurance for my soon to be ex wife, because she would have a sizure if she stopped taking the meds.
Despite a laundry list of reasons for me to have sole custody, they wouldnt even give me shared custody!!!
She has nothing on me, and I have police reports, doctor reports, psych reports...everything documented.
blows my mind.
The judge didnt care, they told me if I thought she was a danger to the kids I should have taken them from her. What?!!?
I almost lost my job because I was trying so hard to save my family, my dad with bi polar too, drank himself to death after my seperation this year. My kids were upset. My ex wife was psycho, but for the most part, I have never seen her hurt those kids. She said her drinking was only to oblivion when I had the kids overnight, but she is on meds, and got rapped, she hangs out with strange people. She brings strange men to her house, and I dont know when the problems will leak into time with the kids.
So I blew it because I wasnt a jerk, because I thought the courts were the way to handle disputes rather then just stealing children. -
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Re: Utah Favors Women having Custody, I got Temp Orders Yesterday
Sat, August 9, 2008 - 9:27 PMthis really is TOO danmiliar. :failure to protect" is a shuck, the old damned if you do and damned if you don't. if yu make too much of a fuss about the othr parent being an irresponsible person you are obviously vindictive andtrying to turn the children against her/him, and if you are courteous and work hard at not calling her an evolutionary throwback in front of the kids and encouraging them to be tolerant...well, you are irresponsible for not stepping up to the plate.
I have so little respect for family law court and especailly for child "protective" family wreckers it's frightening to me!
Ulve seen chiodren get jerked around by this adversarial business no end, and adults like you suffer tangibly from broken hearts over this crap.
wish I could say something more encouraging or spiritually uplifting. you are obvuiously a good father, and besides that a good person who was never out to get back at your troubled former wife. U do belive that there are eventual benefits to that, including the inner knowledge that you have been a righteous person.
not that it makes taking the law being an ass much easier to bear.
this too shall pass...
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Re: Utah Favors Women having Custody, I got Temp Orders Yesterday
Sat, August 9, 2008 - 10:38 PMMistake? maybe. Just don't forget, the means are as important as the end. I mean, the way you do things, with integrity, is more important in the long run, and more powerful, than short-term manipulation. Especially with kids who are trying to make sense of a chaotic world. -
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Re: Utah Favors Women having Custody, I got Temp Orders Yesterday
Sun, August 10, 2008 - 5:58 AMThanks Flicka and Judith:
I will not change my integrity. I am a good man, not perfect, but I am my word.
good advise.
its funny, I saw the lawyers and government destroy my family growing up, taking all the money that would have helped us in college and life...............
history repeats itself. I tried to explain this to my ex wife, but she only saw the dollars and custody should be hers. She was mad that I looked good, and she looked bad for having mental problems, I tried to help, but you cant fix anyone, and they hate you for trying. -
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Re: Utah Favors Women having Custody, I got Temp Orders Yesterday
Sun, August 10, 2008 - 6:11 AMI am way off the mark, I don't know your full story.
Can you still fight for custody if she is an endangerment to your kids? Can you do things to make your situation seem more stable like: move in with your parents (if your parents are stable) to provide the kids with a "normal" routine.
Think outside the box for ways to change your life so you can provide the life you want for your kids. -
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Re: Utah Favors Women having Custody, I got Temp Orders Yesterday
Sun, August 10, 2008 - 9:44 AMI can pay for a custodial evaluator for $6000. I am doing that.
usually, the temp order are what they go with in the divorce court hearing.
But since I have a custodial evaluation, I can take her back to court years later, if she continues with these bad behaviors, and maybe win.
Again, I am in utah, the judge said its bad that she assaulted a nurse and me, she had nothing on me. She was suicidal and checked her self into a psych ward, was diagnosised with bi polar. She is trying to take some guy to court for rapping her, but because she was passed out drunk, she doesnt have a case, and he can come after her later. I even had custody of the kids more then 30% of the nights, he still gave her primary custody, makes no sense at all. She took the kids, and I didnt stop her, I didnt fight her, I didnt steal them away from her. I thought the courts would make a fair situation given her bad behavior.
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